After a yearlong delay making the name not make sense anymore, Euro 2020 is finally upon us and comes at the perfect time. We’re in a pandemic where there are still very few places to go and I am severely underemployed. There will be tons of time to watch games and for me, write about them. Every two years, a swath of intrigued people wanting to get in on the hype tune into the craze of the World Cup or Euros. What if, like most casual fans, you’ve forgotten everything about international teams since the last major tournament you watched? What if you’re super washed and every time someone brings up a major international soccer tournament, you mention how good Italia 90 was (this is my father)? Well, here’s an absurdly simple guide to help you choose a team to cheer for during Euro 2020. Whether you’re more interested in the on-the-pitch magic (like the dark horse of the tournament), or more interested in the off-the-pitch storylines (like the best looking team)—or simply no longer want to be antiquated when it comes to soccer references—there is a team for you to cheer for.

Let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. We’ll begin with the actual soccer-based breakdown.

The Favourites – France

2018 World Cup winners France will look to continue their major international tournament form with their third ever European Championship. Boasting generally the same setup, France are the favourites to win Euro 2020. 14 of the 26 players on this Summer’s France squad were in the World Cup winning squad. The man who was in charge three years ago, Didier Deschamps, will once again take the reins of Les Bleus. Veterans Adil Rami and Blaise Matuidi have been replaced by younger talent. Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema returns to the French team after a stint out due to off-field issues. He will likely play up top in place of Olivier Giroud as he offers similar focal point attributes, but with a much better eye for goal. The most exciting player in the iconic blue shirt of course will be the generational talent Kylian Mbappe. Look for him racing down the flanks and through the middle to score a heap of goals. France will deploy the same 4-2-3-1 formation that was so effective in their World Cup winning campaign with talismanic midfielder Paul Pogba once again operating on the left hand side—either on the left wing or on the left side of a two-man midfield with the tireless N’Golo Kante. France’s inexperienced young players from three years ago are now much more seasoned and developed. Those that were on the cusp of their peak are now at their apex. This will be a very strong France side with world class, trophy winning players.

Honourable Mentions: Portugal (Euro 2016 Winners), Belgium (FIFA #1 ranked nation)

The Team with Something to Prove – Belgium

FIFA #1 ranked Belgium have been named dark horses of at least the past three major international tournaments. Still, some in the media call them dark horses for Euro 2020. We’re talking about a team with the best midfielder in the world (Kevin De Bruyne), the most in-form striker in the world at the moment (Romelu Lukaku), and a number of players who ply their trade for some of the best clubs in Europe. Despite having very promising talent develop into world class players over the past seven years, Belgium have never made a World Cup final or European Championship final since Euro 1980. Belgium faced quarter-final exits in the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Euros and settled for third place in the 2018 World Cup. Now with most of the Belgium squad in their prime years or past their prime, Euro 2020 will be their last genuine chance to win a European Championship with this golden generation of players. Next year’s 2022 World Cup will be their last chance to break their then 42 year spell without a major tournament final appearance. For context, Belgium has the 9th oldest squad this Summer with an average age of 28.7 and the most experienced squad with an average number of caps per player of 50.2. 19-year old winger Jeremy Doku is the only under-23 player in the Belgium squad. If Belgium are to win Euro 2020, it’ll be because of some Kevin De Bruyne magic and a well oiled Romelu Lukaku spearheaded attack.

Honourable Mentions: England (2018 World Cup Semi-Finalists), Italy (failed to qualify for the 2018 World Cup)

The Dark Horses – Denmark

My pick for the real dark horses of Euro 2020 is Denmark. Since Denmark’s round of 16 finish in the 2018 World Cup, many quality Danes have entered their peak years together for De rød-hvide. Among those talents are: Andreas Christensen (25), Joachim Andersen (25), and Joakim Mæhle (24) in defence; Robert Skov (25), Thomas Delaney (29), Christian Eriksen (29), and Pierre-Emile Højbjerg (25) in midfield; and Kasper Dolberg (23) and Yussuf Poulsen (26) in attack. Denmark have a very solid defence led by Premier League and FA Cup winner Kasper Schmeichel. This will be key to a long run in the tournament because history has shown that defence wins silverware. Ahead of their solid defence are one of the best midfields of the tournament with Thomas Delaney and Pierre-Emile Højbjerg providing cover for the mercurial Christian Eriksen. If Denmark are weak in any area, it’s in attack. They don’t boast a wealth of talent up top, but if Kasper Dolberg can get going, they’ll be in a pretty good position. Once hailed as the second coming of fellow Scandinavian Zlatan Ibrahimovic (who like Dolberg also played for Dutch club Ajax early in his career), Dolberg hasn’t lived up to the hype, but has had a decent young career at club level for Ajax in the Netherlands and Nice in France.

Honourable Mentions: Italy (unbeaten in the qualifying round), Turkey (fewest goals conceded in the qualifying round)

The Rough Bunch (Alternatively “The Shithousers) – Scotland

For complete transparency, I haven’t watched all 32 teams play ahead of the tournament and I’m therefore only partially familiar with some of the teams’ playstyles. Scotland have a very industrious midfield in Scott McTominay and John McGinn who will surely be running up and down the pitch for the full 90 minutes. Both technical and combative, they’ll be a fun midfield duo to watch. If John McGinn plays as the attacking midfielder, watch for John Fleck to join Scott McTominay in shithousing (the act of being a bit of a bastard on the pitch) duties. In Scotland’s back three, we’ll likely see two statue-esque no-nonsense figures in Grant Hanley and Liam Cooper with marauding left-back Kieran Tierney playing a left outside centre-back role. Scotland don’t have the most technical players, but they’ll be sure to put up a good fight—both in a results sense and in an on-pitch drama sense.

Honourable Mentions: None

A player who’s not done yet – Portugal (Cristiano Ronaldo)

The storyline for Portugal shouldn’t be about Cristiano Ronaldo, but it inevitably will be. Even though Portugal will have one of the most promising squads who are on average in their peak age, the focus will be on 36-year old Cristiano Ronaldo. For most soccer players around Ronaldo’s age, they’re either in the final years of their career with possibly a hybrid player-coach role, or they’re already retired. Ronaldo however, hasn’t shown many signs of slowing down in his carefully planned career. Now playing in the slower paced Serie A (Italy), he’s continued his goal scorer feats at club level with 36 goals in 44 appearances in all competitions for Juventus this past season. Ronaldo is no longer the electric winger he was earlier in his career and has adapted into a more central role in attack. Outside of Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal have world class midfielders and forwards. Players like Bruno Fernandes, Bernardo Silva, Diogo Jota, and João Félix are trophy winners and playing at the top level of the game. Even as monolithic Ronaldo is, he doesn’t detract from the other talents in the squad. Because Ronaldo can play out wide or central and in a number of systems, A Seleção manager Fernando Santos can move him around depending on who else he selects in a starting XI. History has shown you can never count out Cristiano Ronaldo in a major tournament and leading Portugal to another European Championship will only add to his bid for GOAT.

Honourable Mentions: Turkey (Burak Yılmaz, 35, just won Ligue 1 with Lille), Wales (Gareth Bale, 31, has had his commitment to soccer questioned the past few years)

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Now for the good parts. The non-soccer reasons to watch Euro 2020.

You want to cheer very hard for a very short time – England

It’s coming home! Or is it? The unofficial theme song for England every international tournament campaign will definitely be sung in pubs around England and referenced all over Twitter. Regardless of how far England get in the tournament, the English fervor for tournament soccer will be cranked to the max as it always is. Join in on the hype train. Paint your Saint George’s Crosses, don your Three Lions gear, and cry “it’s coming home” as much as you can this Summer. The reality is England face an uphill battle to get far in the Euros. The Three Lions are well stocked in attack, but severely understocked in defence. If they win Group D, they face the 2nd place team of Group F which will either be France or Portugal—both favourites to win the tournament. If England finish second in Group D, they face the second place team of Group E which will either be Spain or more likely Poland. Even if England get past an astute Poland, they will likely have to meet France or Portugal. The way the knockout stages are set up, all roads from England lead to France or Portugal. I think England will win their group and exit to France in the Round of 16. If England are to prove me wrong, they’ll need a big tournament from captain Harry Kane, and midfielders Mason Mount and Phil Foden.

Honourable Mentions: Netherlands (managed by serial underachiever Frank De Boer), Croatia (similar route as England)

You only want to watch for 1.5 weeks – Finland, North Macedonia, Hungary

I’m sorry if you were going to cheer for any of these three squads, or have any ties to any of these nations, but none of these teams will advance from the group stage (June 11 – June 23). Realistically, it’s likely none of them will get a single point—let alone a win. Maybe Finland can pull off a draw with a very organized defence, but I can definitely see North Macedonia and Hungary losing all their group stage games. Hungary in particular are in the “Group of Death” with giants France, Germany, and Portugal. On the bright side, if you think your interest will only last 1.5 weeks then you can cheer for one of these three teams, or even all of them! It’s not all doom and gloom as these teams will be fun to watch. As underdogs, they’ll try to keep an organized defence by packing the central areas and defending deep while attacking quick and hard on the counter. Players to watch are forward Teemu Pukki for Finland, midfielder Elif Elmas for North Macedonia, and defender Willi Orbán for Hungary.

Honourable Mentions: Slovakia (FIFA #36 ranked), Scotland (FIFA #44 ranked)

You love the challenge of name pronunciation – Turkey

Hakan Çalhanoğlu, Çağlar Söyüncü, Okay Yokuşlu, Uğurcan Çakır. How the hell do you pronounce these names? I won’t spoil the fun for you. It took me years of watching soccer to be able to pronounce most Turkish names and I still slip up quite often. I pronounced Hakan Çalhanoğlu wrong for years despite rating him so high. You can Google the pronunciation of the Turkish players’ names, or if you’re super committed, you can learn what each accent does. You’ll be sure to either impress your friends, or come across as severely pretentious. I reckon the latter is the case for me sometimes… If you really want to confuse yourself, watch the media surrounding Euro 2020 for vastly conflicting pronunciations by some media people who didn’t bother doing their research!

Honourable Mentions: North Macedonia (Ezgjan Alioski is not pronounced as it looks), Czech Republic (lots of accents)

You want to call a team by two names – Netherlands/Holland

The Netherlands, or formerly and informally Holland. Awkwardly, simply Netherlands. Colloquially Oranje. You can call the team playing in full orange kits by many names, but the two that will be most interchanged are the Netherlands and Holland. They’ll be called one or the other depending on the commentary team and maybe even both if the commentators lack consistency. There doesn’t seem to be a consensus among the Dutch on which they prefer or if there even is a preference. Just make sure you’re not referring to the Netherlands/Holland when you say Deutschland which is actually the German word for Germany!

Honourable Mentions: Czech Republic (also known as Czechia), Ukraine (Ukrainians prefer you drop the “The” before Ukraine)

Coolest Kit – Finland

Finland’s home and away kits are both simple, but gorgeous. The gradient blue Nordic cross on the clean white base on the home kit is amazing. The two-toned blue away kit is sophisticated without doing too much. The collar gives a retro feel and is always nice to see. The gold Nike logo and buttons are beautiful embellishments. Finland’s national team crest fits perfectly on both kits. Bask in their glory because blink and you’ll miss them this Summer.

Honourable Mentions: North Macedonia (interesting new sun of Liberty design), Netherlands (sharp orange home kit and black away kit)

Hottest Squad – France

If only being good at soccer wasn’t enough, France’s squad is full of very hot soccer players. The young tatted stallion Presnel Kimpembe. European surfer looking Antoine Griezmann. Lightskin god Corentin Tolisso. The strapping 6’3 Paul Pogba. Of course who can forget soccer sex icon Olivier Giroud—who some are calling Big Sexy.

Honourable Mention: Portugal (Cristiano Ronaldo of course), Belgium (even though at least half the white players have the same haircut)

You think you know more Spanish than you really do – Spain

You say “una cerveza por favor” at the taco spot despite the employee not even being a Spanish speaker. The only places you know in Mexico are Cabo and the ones mentioned in Narcos. The only place in Spain you know is Ibiza (you pronounce it i-BEE-za). If this is you, then enjoy cheering for La Roja (add that to your vocabulary). Don’t let anyone tell you there is more to Latin America than all-inclusive beach resorts. Live your best life! Say “hola” as much as you can! Call everyone “amigo”! ¡Vamos La Roja!

Honourable Mentions: None

You have no clue what the Euros really are/you’re awful at geography – Argentina/Brazil

Messi is one of the two best Argentinians to play the game, if not the best. Neymar is the prince of Brazil who is destined to lead them to glory. Two players at the top of the game and two nations with many fans during the World Cup. If you want to watch beautiful and fancy South American soccer, Argentina or Brazil are the teams you want to cheer for. Catch the uber technical footwork of the Argentines. Enjoy Brazil’s urban style of soccer honed on the streets of Brazil’s big cities. The only caveat is neither of these teams will actually feature in the Euros because neither nation is in Europe. There is a backdoor you can use if you’re one of those people that ask “where’s Messi” or “where’s Brazil” every Euros. If someone confronts you about this, just say you were referring to the Copa América that also runs this Summer. Or, you could simply up your geography game…

Honourable Mentions: Uruguay (again check out a map), USA/Canada (oh dear)